Bullshit Power Rankings, Take 2

Our first look at one of the Baby Birds, Brad Bergeson, looks like it's going to have to wait a little bit. It's effing pouring at The Yard right now. What the hell is there to do to pass the time? Watch American Idol? Arrrrrggggghhhhhh.

Oh, I know! We'll roll out another edition of the Bullshit Power Rankings. We'll break down what ESPN and Sportsline have to say about our Birds in their weekly rankings, which are meaningless and often leave me contemplating where my world went wrong. Without further ado:

ESPN
O's – 22 (Prev. 13). "Baltimore lost the first three games of its series in Boston to drop to .500 for the first time in the season." Fair enough, although we are the lowest ranking .500 team in these rankings (note: ESPN posted their rankings when we were 6-6). I mean, they have the fucking Pirates ahead of us. Really? Come on. Although the Pirates have thrown four shutouts. Which is more confusing than the ending of "Castaway." Also, ESPN has FOUR teams that were below .500 at the time ranked ahead of us. Unreal.

Here's where they had the rest of the AL East.
Cito Sucks – 4 (Prev. 6). Top ranked AL team by ESPN, but they should be in the top 3 for how they have been playing. Kevin Millar is still the AL East's slut.

Pussies (that's NY for those unsure) – 6 (Prev. 5). Whatever. Wang's ERA is Liz-esque.

Douchebags (that would be Boston) – 8 (Prev. 15). Ortiz is more overrated than Ashton Kutcher.

Flukes (Rays) – 17 (Prev. 8). Hi Tampa, I'm Earth. Welcome home.

SPORTSLINE
O's – 25 (Prev. 15). "In the months to come, we'll point to the second inning of last Friday's game in Boston, when the O's held a 7-0 lead, as the precise moment when the team's season started its inevitable downward spiral ... Silly me, I thought Ty Wigginton was inked to help the offense ... Coming soon to an Internet terminal near you: "Waiting On Wieters," a parody targeting the huge baseball/Beckett (Sam, not Josh) crossover audience. Webby nominating committee, take notice." Sportsline is always so fucking condescending. I despise the majority of their writers. If they didn't have the best fantasy league sites on the Interwebs, I'd probably never visit their site. Stop trying to act like you know anything about us, Larry Dobrow.

Cito Sucks – 4 (Prev. 6).

Pussies – 10 (Prev. 10). Ha.

Douchebags – 5 (Prev. 12). Waaaay too high right now.

Flukes – 12 (Prev. 2).

OK, Bradley's warming up. It's game time.

Jackpot.

We just lost four straight to these fucks

(Yup, we just gave douchebags like this reason to cheer again. Great.)

They were down. All we had to do was kick them. Instead we slipped on a banana peel like the O'Doyle family and plummeted. Instead of taking a station wagon off a cliff, though, we fell down the AL East standings this weekend. Fast.

The Red Sox were reeling (if you can consider a team "reeling" nine games into the season) at 3-6, and we were sitting pretty at 6-3. We had our "ace" on the hill against big, fat, sweaty Brad Penny. And we had a seven run lead. And, well, you know what happened from there. The dreaded four game fucking sweep.

Sorry for the lack of updates the past couple of days. Both Camden and I have had some pretty hectic schedules. After more than a month of being a deadbeat out of a job, I finally landed one, and had to go back to work. So instead of sleeping until 10 and doing absolutely nothing, I've had to adjust to a normal schedule again. Bullshit, I know. As for Camden, he's busy being smart and finishing up his master's degree. Showoff. Anyway, I'm adjusted now, and Camden is in his final week of grad school. So I'll be your pilot the rest of the week. And I'm starting with a long, long fucking post. So get comfy, it's going to be a long ride tonight.

We're taking this shit pile game by game. And we'll be back tomorrow with our regularly scheduled program, including the Bullshit Power Rankings, Memories of the Magic, and perhaps a live blog thrown in.

Let's start with Friday. Ugh.

Man, I started the night sitting at a bar, ice cold beer in hand, watching the Birds light up Sweat Face Penny. A couple of bases loaded walks, an RBI single by B-Rob (we still need a nickname for him, by the way. Any suggestions?) and, of course, the big grand slam from Big Dick Nick. After that hit, by the way, Camden texted me something like, "I heart him. Gayly." And then he did four Prairie Fires. Needless to say, good times.

But they didn't last long.

A couple of homeruns later off of Guts, a predictably mediocre outing from Baez and some unearned runs later and POOF – seven run lead, gone. The Prairie Fires that ensued weren't out of celebration. I swear, unearned runs take years off my life. If there's one thing this team can't afford, it's to give runs away. I understand errors happen. But during this five-game losing skid (and before that even), there have been WAAAAAY too many unearned runs. This team is built on hitting and defense. If our pitchers keep the ball in the park, it's got to be caught. Or we're fucked.

This wasn't as bad as the Mother's Day Massacre, but it sure wasn't any better. Let's just move on.

Saturday:
Adam Fucking Eaton. Shit Sack went four innings and was hitting like 62 on the radar gun, lobbing meatballs to Kevin Youkilis, who was a triple shy of the cycle. We did ding up Josh Beckett, though, scoring four runs in the fifth to make a game out of it. But we couldn't touch the bullpen.

However, with all the bad that Shit Sack brought in his start, the bullpen picked him up. I can't believe I'm going to type this, but Brian Bass actually had a good outing. And Chris Ray looked sharp once again. I can't shake the feeling that he's going to have a hell of a year.

Sunday:
Don't look now, but on Sunday we actually had a starter pitch seven innings! Wow! Unfortunately, Lester the Molester had his stuff working. It figures that he'd work out the kinks he started the year with against us. With Papeldouche unavailable, the O's almost made a ninth inning comeback, but came up short.

Again, you've got to be impressed with Koji's outing. He's not the second coming or anything, but he's going to be solid for us this year. And he's going to be a guy that can go six or seven innings most of the time. Tough loss for him, especially after giving up 7 against Texas and getting the win.

Today:
Today fucking sucked. I was stuck at work, following it on the computer while we got destroyed. Patriot's Day games are gay. All in all, Mark Hendrickson wasn't that bad. Although, it's pretty sad that a starter throws 100 pitches in five innings and it's considered a really good start. Hey, that's our staff. And then there was Radhames Liz. Oh fuck, Radhames Liz. He of the 36 ERA. Let's just move on.

There's no reason to be concerned about the offense, but two runs in two days (including only one today off a spot starter) isn't good. To expect them to keep hitting like they started all season long is unrealistic, but it just sucks when they don't hit. Not that they can be expected to score 13 runs every night anyway.

So it was a terrible four days. And I can't stomach typing any more about it. But let's look at a few observations before we move on and look forward to Bergeson's start tomorrow night.
• Ty Wigginton needs to start hitting soon. I need power from him. After all, isn't that why we signed him?
• Please God dont' let Sugar Bear's hammy be hurt. The last thing we need is for him to get hurt. He's in the middle of becoming a man. And I hope it isn't shot to hell by a damn injury.
• Good thing Izzy can field, because he can't hit a lick.
• Matt Wieters can't get here soon enough. Although Zaun has been probably better than I expected him to be.
• Felix Pie is poop.
• We're running out of bench players after Freel took one in the dome today. I say they call up Sweet Lou Montanez. Dude deserves another shot. For the love of Pete, he can't possibly hit worse than Freel or Pie are right now.
• I hate Boston. Seriously.
• Tomorrow is a much-needed day off, and the boys can't get back to The Yard soon enough. Here's hoping Bergeson can give us a quality start and we can get back to shocking the world.

Here's that dreaded third game of a series again...

(Sugar Bear hit an absolute rocket in the 10th inning last night. Image via the Sun.)

What is it about the third game of a three game series? It's getting weird now. We beat a team two straight – and then get absolutely blown the fuck out in the series finale. I meant to get on here during the game tonight and do a quick recap of last night's game, but Mark Hendrickson just proved that he's, well, Mark Hendrickson, and Radhames Liz just gave up a grand slam on the first fucking pitch he threw. Some things never change. So it's 10-3 in the fourth inning right now. Wait...make that 11-3. Holy fuck. But hey, with Kris Benson on the hill, I suppose no lead is safe for Texas.

Still another series win any way you slice it. Hey, the whiskey bottle's half-full right?

Anyway, last night was a very, very good win for this club. Simon leaves very early with an injury (*restrained jubilation*), forcing the bullpen, which has been about as stable as Gary Busey (who is fucking insane, by the way), to get stretched out – again. But instead of wilting, Sarfate, Walker, Ray and JJ came out and looked GREAT, and gave us a chance to win. And then Sugar Bear unloaded in the 10th, and Gritbag Jones added a double. Of course, the Brim Reaper came in in the 10th and scared the moose piss out of us once again, but he got the job done. (Note: Ray's looking very sharp, and I think he'll take over for Breezy soon. He's a trainwreck just waiting to happen.)

So great win last night, but once again, a ton of innings for the bullpen. Then we wake up today and learn that Simon's out at least a month, and then Pig Vomit (that's Hendrickson, FYI) comes out and can't get through four fucking innings to give the guys a breather. The good news? Brad Bergeson will probably be up next week. Roch thinks he'll start Tuesday against Chicago.

Great, now it's 12-3. Son of a mother. 8 unearned runs that inning. I just threw up in my mouth.

So what can we REALLY take from these first three series? I haven't the slightest. Assuming we don't come back from a 12-3 hole tonight (again, though, with Benson on the hill, anything's possible), we're looking at 6-3, with series wins in all three opening sets. I mean, any one of us reading this would've taken that before Opening Day. It's just the innings the bullpen is being forced to eat up is going to murder us very soon. Just off the top of my head, I can only remember one Oriole pitcher going at least 6 innings through the first 9 games (Guthrie in that excellent start against Tampa). I mean, how can we expect these guys to last five more months at this pace? I have a feeling that we're going to see some of those Baby Birds this season, even though that wasn't the plan. Andy Mac and Trembley might not have a choice, if starters can't get out of the fourth fucking inning on a nightly basis. Ridiculous.

If this score remains this lopsided, that'll be three blowout losses for the Birds. But they never seem to win games easy. I know a win is a win is a win is a win, I'm just thinking out loud here. Who knows what the hell I'm saying at this point.

The off day tomorrow is much needed, I know that much. And it's going to be a big fucking weekend in Boston.

And we'll be flying high after we score 10 unanswered tonight....

Week One power rankings

I figured week to week, we'll take a look at where our O's stand in the MLB power rankings put up around the Internets, and compare that to the rest of the AL East. After a very solid first week, of course, we're still getting no respect.

ESPN:
Orioles – 13. (previous ranking: 27): "Adam Jones is displaying his great talent, and Japanese pitcher Koji Uehara silenced the Yankees in his major league debut."

Yanks – 5 (previously 3)

Sox – 15 (previously 1)

Jays – 6 (previously 21)

Rays – 8 (previously 2)

Now first of all, you can see that the WWL had the AL East 1-2-3 in its preseason rankings, which is insane. It just baffles me how we can be behind two teams we took 2 out of 3 from. Remember, these rankings are supposed to ONLY based on how a team has performed so far this season. And right now, the O's have out-performed TB and NY. Toronto got some respect, though.

CBS Sportsline:
O's – 15 (were 20): "The ledger says they're 5-2, with four of those wins coming against AL East bullies. Who am I to argue with this? ... Of course, they've been outscored by two runs. ... I heard one pundit say the Orioles are playing with "spirit." Get out the pom-poms, y'all. ... They'll take their lumps, owing to a pitching staff that might charitably be described as lacking, but they'll score enough runs and catch the ball (especially in the outfield) well enough to rise to the rank of "interesting" for the first time since the late 1990s."

Tampa – 2 (were 3)

Jays – 6 (were 13)

Yanks – 10 (were 2)

Sox – 12 (were 4)

So let me get this straight, the Jays are in first place and ranked BEHIND the Rays? And the O's are a 1/2 game out and ranked behind everyone in the division? Now, I'm not saying that in the long run we're going to finish ahead of Tampa, Boston or New York, but right now, we're playing better. We took 2 of 3 from both the Rays and Yanks, so how can they validate those rankings? Again, these are a "snapshot in time" (Sportsline's exact words). Well, at this moment in time, we are 5 and fucking 2.

I know these power rankings are bullshit and don't mean dick, but it honestly baffles me how professional journalists who are paid to do nothing but write about baseball can be so bad. What do you guys think?

Personally, I LOVE that we get no respect. I love the us against the world mentality. Let's embrace it.

Go Birds.

We got the Magic Stick(s)

If you can't pitch, you better be able to hit. I think we'll all agree that pretty much will some up the 2009 Orioles season and tonight's 10-9 win over the Texas Rangers certainly is a microcosm of that. We had our "#2" starter (and I use that term loosely) on the bump tonight and he was not as advertised. Control was supposed to be his biggest strength, yet walking two guys with a 6 run lead literally wants me to light myself on fire. It's his second MLB start, we'll give him a pass, after all, he was the "winning" pitcher, wink wink, nudge nudge. 

As for our line-up, I have a few observations and they are aaaaaalllllllll good. First and foremost, Nick and B-Rob are something else at the plate right now, you guys see their at-bats, no words necessary. SugarBear did have a run-scoring double, however he still reminds us from time-to-time that he is only 23 years old as he looks very bad on some strikeouts. I don't view this as a bad thing as it shows he hasn't even scratched his potential in the box yet. Huff was great and I expect him to be solid all year, but the thing that pleased me most was Felix Pie's offensive game tonight. He was 3-4 with his first Oriole big-fly and we had our first glimpse of all that potential this kid has somewhere inside of him. It was very encouraging. Also, good to see Ty Wiggington off the bench with a couple run-scoring base-hits. 

I want to briefly talk about the ninth inning because a couple things stand out. The Brim Reaper is never pretty, but he's gutsy, you always get his best effort, and more often than not, he gets the job done. The play of the night was clearly Nick's running catch at the wall. When that ball was hit I thought for sure we had a tie game with the winning run on second with no outs. Instead, Nick gives his best Willie Mays impression and basically saves the game. when I wrote the season preview for our outfielders, I wrote that Nick is gone to do at least one thing a night that makes you say wow...done and done. 

Finally, it was a big win. Not only because it starts our first road trip of the season on a good note, but also because we didn't blow a 6 run lead, especially with Simon and Hendrickson due to pitch in the final two games at that Bandbox of a stadium in Dallas. A loss tonight would have extinguished all of the early season momentum we have gained thus far. A win is a win is a win is a win!

One quick Minor League note tonight. Chris Tillman, our top pitching prospect, made his debut as the youngest pitcher in Triple-A tonight. He was absolutely dominating, going four no-hit innings, striking out 5. A very, very big performance for the Baby Bird. Also, Matt Wieters was his catcher and he went 2-4 with a walk and an RBI. See you pups at the 'Yard real soon! 

Hey Brian Bass....

Eat shit. They should send you back to Delmarva. Actually, you'll probably get rocked there too. Maybe Bluefield is more your skill level.

Guts, Sticks ensure another series win.

(Melvin's only got 7 RBI in the Birds' last two games. Not too shabby.)

Well, well. Another night, another Orioles win, another series win. Sorry about the lack of a game update from Friday night's game, but let's go over Friday and Saturday night, shall we?

We'll start with Friday:
Um, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that's about as good as we'll see Mark Hendrickson throw. The big, gangly had a pretty good outing, and the sticks continued to smoke. It was nice to see the offense bounce back after a bad game on Thursday and put it on the Rays. Oh, and Carl Crawford, you don't run on Nick. Ever. Lesson learned, homes.

Of course, the shit storm that has been the bullpen had to go and make it interesting, serving up Longoria on a fucking tee. And Flat Breezy absolutely cannot let a guy like Dioneer Navarro take him Yard in the ninth of a close game. I think once Ray's velocity gets back up, he needs to take over that closer role again.

Last night:
Guts was about as good as he can be last night, giving us a much needed quality start with his six scoreless innings. And, as we know, most of the work was done in the first, when Mora hit his salami and Nick and B-Rob both had doubles. The top of this lineup is borderline orgasmic right now. B-Rob, Sugar Bear and Nick the Dick are STROKING the baseball right now. Huff is off to a slow start, but Mora is red hot. It's nice to see the top 5 in our lineup hit. Very nice. And Ray looked good out of the pen last night. Finally.

All in all, we've won our first two series of the year. Both against AL East opponents. Can't complain about that, O's fans. I couldn't believe that we had lost 12 straight games to the Rays last year. Wow. That's like going out to the bar in college for 12 straight nights without hooking up with a girl. Seems impossible right? But that's over now. It's a new day.

Let's see what happens today against Shields as Eaton makes his Orioles debut.