Bullshit Power rankings, take 3

I hate day games during the week (unless I'm at one, of course). There's just something about following online that pisses me off. That, and I can't exactly scream obscenities from my office when Koji gives up back to back bombs.

Pretty good outing by Koji, though. He kept us in the game, and that's what we expect of him. But we lost...again. The losing skid is at three games and we've sunk to 9-13. And that's two series losses in a row. Koji's fine after taking that liner off the chest, as evidenced by this quote from him:

"I'm more upset about giving up that home run. No pain." That's a guy I'll go to war with any day. Of course, that what his interpreter told everyone he said. He may have simply said, "It hurt like a bitch, damn it." No one knows. But I think it was the first one.

OK, so here we go with the third take on the Bullshit Power Rankings. As always, we'll look at the weekly rankings from ESPN and Sportsline for the Birds and the rest of the AL East, and find ways to tear them down. It's fun.

ESPN: Updated April 27
O's: 25th (prev. 22). "The Orioles have lost seven of 10 after starting 6-3." Ah, ESPN. At least they don't make you feel worse about yourself. It's hard to argue with what they wrote. Facts are facts.

Boston: 1st (prev. 8): "The Red Sox have outscored opponents 80-36 during their 10-game win streak." Fucking Boston. They've gotten hot in a hurry and it just seems like nothing they do is wrong. Need a spot starter? Plug one in and get 7 good innings from him. David Oritz is a corpse? Mike Lowell starts hitting. It's sickening.

Toronto: 3rd (prev. 4): "The Blue Jays have won their first six series of 2009." What the hell in going on in Canada? No matter. Cito is still their manager, they'll fold soon. I can't wait.

New York: 10th (prev. 6): "New York's pitching is the worst in MLB with a 6.25 ERA." And CC's only going to get fatter. Tee hee.

Tampa Bay: 18th (prev. 17): "Starting pitching (5.01 ERA) has been an issue for the Rays, who have lost nine of their past 12." This is actually the only ranking I have a problem with (shocker, I know). I'm just saying, the O's are 2-1 against Tampa this year so far, and they are ahead of them in the actual standings. Therefore, they should be above them in the power rankings. For now. Typical.

Sportsline: updated April 28
O's: 23rd (were 25th): "Adam Jones is hittin' and occasionally walkin'. Ssssshhhh. ... Given that their starting rotation is the baseball equivalent of an open sore, the O's are one of the few teams in baseball history that could make an intelligent case for carrying 13 pitchers." Not as incomprehisble stupid as usual, but I can't believe that they actually moved us UP in the rankings after our recent poor play. Eh, I'll take it I suppose. And why the 'ssssshhhh' after the Sugar Bear sentence? It makes NO sense. Is it a secret that he's becoming a man? Fuck and no. Just a case of a writer trying to be creative when he couldn't think of anything better to write. Ugh.

Boston: 1st (prev. 5th):"That whole "they won't hit enough and Kevin Youkilis' 2008 power numbers were a fluke" thing? Not my finest moment. ... What they have that most contenders lack -- hell, that most corporations, universities and governments lack -- is depth. If somebody goes down, the Red Sox don't pull out their hair and shake their fist at the heavens above (well, the team itself doesn't, anyway). They simply plug in the next guy on the depth chart and go about the tedious business of winning regular-season games at a 60-percent clip. ... As for the great David Ortiz, last seen waving at a Damaso Marte happy pitch that his 2007 self would've sent into orbit, he says that he's not hurt. Here's the thing: I no longer trust any athlete who claims, with fists clenched righteously, "I'm not hurt" (nor, for that matter, "I've never ever ever never ever used steroids" or "dude, that kid ain't mine"). We've been burned before. Can you blame me?" I have to be honest, I stopped reading after the first sentence. Whatever.

Toronto: 4th (prev. 4th): "According to my Google Trends report, there has been a sharp spike in the ascription of mythical, extrasensory winning qualities to Cito Gaston since the Jays started kicking tush. ... How many pitchers do the Jays currently have on the DL? 14? 22? ... They haven't lost a series or back-to-back games this season." Seriously, I can barely read this garbage. And, no, I'm not saying I'm a better writer. And I'm not jealous. I'm just saying that you would think a national Web site could find someone better. That's all.

New York: 11th (prev. 10th): "Run! Hoard canned goods! Enter into legally binding suicide pacts with your loved ones! The end of days is upon us, a mere three weeks into the season! ... I don't own a radar gun and I don't trust the inflated readings flashed on stadium and TV screens, but it sure looks like Joba Chamberlain isn't throwing anywhere near as hard as he did last season. ... It turns out that there is a slight difference between the baseball abilities of Alex Rodriguez and those of Cody Ransom and Angel Berroa. Who knew? ... Bullpens are fixable; injury-prone regulars on the wrong side of 30 are generally not. If I were a Yankees fan (cough! wheeze! aah-choo!), that would be what concerns me most." No argument with the ranking, I just can't read the garbage.

Tampa: 17th (prev. 12): "While only dumbasses and talk-radio muckrakers buy into the importance of a single series in early May, it'd sure be nice for the Rays to show a little something against Boston this weekend. ... It remains amazing to me that the Yankees and Red Sox, two organizations that generally have some vague idea what they're doing, pronounced Carlos Pena finished a few seasons ago. ... I know Rays fans have been shrieking about the pitching, especially in light of the staff's generosity in issuing free passes to first base, but it ain't like David Price is lighting up Triple-A (1-2, 3.71 ERA, eight walks and 20 K's in 17 innings over four starts)." Wait, what's that? A legit point! Presented poorly, sure, but some pretty good points in that paragraph. Still not sure how they're behind us in the standings, we're 2-1 against them, and they're ahead of us in the power rankings.

Just another reason why these things are, in fact, bullshit.

Till next time....

Bullshit Power Rankings, Take 2

Our first look at one of the Baby Birds, Brad Bergeson, looks like it's going to have to wait a little bit. It's effing pouring at The Yard right now. What the hell is there to do to pass the time? Watch American Idol? Arrrrrggggghhhhhh.

Oh, I know! We'll roll out another edition of the Bullshit Power Rankings. We'll break down what ESPN and Sportsline have to say about our Birds in their weekly rankings, which are meaningless and often leave me contemplating where my world went wrong. Without further ado:

ESPN
O's – 22 (Prev. 13). "Baltimore lost the first three games of its series in Boston to drop to .500 for the first time in the season." Fair enough, although we are the lowest ranking .500 team in these rankings (note: ESPN posted their rankings when we were 6-6). I mean, they have the fucking Pirates ahead of us. Really? Come on. Although the Pirates have thrown four shutouts. Which is more confusing than the ending of "Castaway." Also, ESPN has FOUR teams that were below .500 at the time ranked ahead of us. Unreal.

Here's where they had the rest of the AL East.
Cito Sucks – 4 (Prev. 6). Top ranked AL team by ESPN, but they should be in the top 3 for how they have been playing. Kevin Millar is still the AL East's slut.

Pussies (that's NY for those unsure) – 6 (Prev. 5). Whatever. Wang's ERA is Liz-esque.

Douchebags (that would be Boston) – 8 (Prev. 15). Ortiz is more overrated than Ashton Kutcher.

Flukes (Rays) – 17 (Prev. 8). Hi Tampa, I'm Earth. Welcome home.

SPORTSLINE
O's – 25 (Prev. 15). "In the months to come, we'll point to the second inning of last Friday's game in Boston, when the O's held a 7-0 lead, as the precise moment when the team's season started its inevitable downward spiral ... Silly me, I thought Ty Wigginton was inked to help the offense ... Coming soon to an Internet terminal near you: "Waiting On Wieters," a parody targeting the huge baseball/Beckett (Sam, not Josh) crossover audience. Webby nominating committee, take notice." Sportsline is always so fucking condescending. I despise the majority of their writers. If they didn't have the best fantasy league sites on the Interwebs, I'd probably never visit their site. Stop trying to act like you know anything about us, Larry Dobrow.

Cito Sucks – 4 (Prev. 6).

Pussies – 10 (Prev. 10). Ha.

Douchebags – 5 (Prev. 12). Waaaay too high right now.

Flukes – 12 (Prev. 2).

OK, Bradley's warming up. It's game time.

Jackpot.

Week One power rankings

I figured week to week, we'll take a look at where our O's stand in the MLB power rankings put up around the Internets, and compare that to the rest of the AL East. After a very solid first week, of course, we're still getting no respect.

ESPN:
Orioles – 13. (previous ranking: 27): "Adam Jones is displaying his great talent, and Japanese pitcher Koji Uehara silenced the Yankees in his major league debut."

Yanks – 5 (previously 3)

Sox – 15 (previously 1)

Jays – 6 (previously 21)

Rays – 8 (previously 2)

Now first of all, you can see that the WWL had the AL East 1-2-3 in its preseason rankings, which is insane. It just baffles me how we can be behind two teams we took 2 out of 3 from. Remember, these rankings are supposed to ONLY based on how a team has performed so far this season. And right now, the O's have out-performed TB and NY. Toronto got some respect, though.

CBS Sportsline:
O's – 15 (were 20): "The ledger says they're 5-2, with four of those wins coming against AL East bullies. Who am I to argue with this? ... Of course, they've been outscored by two runs. ... I heard one pundit say the Orioles are playing with "spirit." Get out the pom-poms, y'all. ... They'll take their lumps, owing to a pitching staff that might charitably be described as lacking, but they'll score enough runs and catch the ball (especially in the outfield) well enough to rise to the rank of "interesting" for the first time since the late 1990s."

Tampa – 2 (were 3)

Jays – 6 (were 13)

Yanks – 10 (were 2)

Sox – 12 (were 4)

So let me get this straight, the Jays are in first place and ranked BEHIND the Rays? And the O's are a 1/2 game out and ranked behind everyone in the division? Now, I'm not saying that in the long run we're going to finish ahead of Tampa, Boston or New York, but right now, we're playing better. We took 2 of 3 from both the Rays and Yanks, so how can they validate those rankings? Again, these are a "snapshot in time" (Sportsline's exact words). Well, at this moment in time, we are 5 and fucking 2.

I know these power rankings are bullshit and don't mean dick, but it honestly baffles me how professional journalists who are paid to do nothing but write about baseball can be so bad. What do you guys think?

Personally, I LOVE that we get no respect. I love the us against the world mentality. Let's embrace it.

Go Birds.