Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Colin Cowherd is a douche


OK, by now I'm sure we all know who Colin Cowherd (or "Schrutebag", as he is known in the blogosphere) is and, if you've ever had the misfortune of tuning into his show, you know how much of a blithering douchebag he is. Cowherd is awful. He spews stupid shit from his suck hole, often without any semblance of research whatsoever (I'm not the first person to make this claim, some writers much more respected and famous than I (ahem, Bill Simmons) have done the same). And yesterday, Schrutebag reached a new level of fucktardedness by bashing us O's fans for booing Mark Teixeira.

Here's just one example of the shit he threw at us, Birdland:
"Bottom line? You don't get booed unless you matter. Nobody boos the Baltimore Orioles when they're on the road because nobody cares. Oriole fans are a symbol of what's wrong with America. Jealousy, anger, and resentment toward the successful people. Oriole fans, you may not be sharp enough to get this, but you just validated Teixeira and validated why nobody talks about you on the radio. Orioles fans, you may think you won last night, but you came across as small, angry, petty, clueless, and phony."

Really Cowherd? Really? Mindless drivel, right? OK, so I'm going to break this bullshit down and tell you why he's a moron (and that goes for every other screaming head on ESPN that bashed us as well).
1. "You don't get booed unless you matter." – probably the only thing he said that's actually true.
2. "Nobody boos the O's on the road." – No shit. It's not that nobody cares. Trust me, if we come into Fenway and beat the Sox in September, they'll care. Nobody boos us because we don't have any unlikable assholes on our team, and our fans aren't cocky, arrogant fuckwads.
3. "Oriole fans are a symbol of what's wrong with America." Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaat? Why, because we CARE about our franchise? Fucking Boston fans booed the shit out of A-Rod when he went to the Yanks (and he was far from a Bahstan boy), and what do people like Cowherd do? They laugh it off. "Boston fans have SO MUCH PASSION!" Fuck off. Oh, why did we REALLY boo Tex? Again, do your fucking homework. Not only is he FROM Maryland, but he said shit like this in the past (quotes from Dempsey's Army):

That would really be a dream come true.
- Teixeira on playing for Baltimore, March 2007

The Orioles are close to my heart.
- Mark Teixeira, May 2008

In a year and a half, we'll have some fun conversations. Baltimore, obviously in the future, is a place I'd love to look at.
- Mark Teixeira, July 2007

So yeah, put all of that shit on the table, and then add the fact that once he did sign in NY, he admitted to attended O's games while wearing a Yanks hat and rooting for Mattingly over Cal and Eddie. And then after the game saying that he'd be an Oriole in a perfect world. Gee, wonder why we booed him.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. So let me get this straight Cowherd, blue collar people who work fucking hard for the money to buy those tickets are a symbol of what's wrong with America? Really? We didn't boo him because we're jealous that he's successful. We booed him because he wrote checks about his hometown team that he didn't cash. Trust me, if he would've never mentioned wanted to play for Baltimore, it wouldn't have been so bad. I'll tell you what a symbol of what's wrong with America is. The fact that dickheads like you with absolutely NO integrity are paid hundreds of thousands a year to spew ridiculous claims, while honest, hardworking Americans are put out on the street daily because they can't find work.

4. "Oriole fans, you may not be sharp enough to get this, but you just validated Teixeira and validated why nobody talks about you on the radio. Orioles fans, you may think you won last night, but you came across as small, angry, petty, clueless, and phony." – OH, I GET it! Oriole fans aren't smart! How clever! Oh, we validated why no one talks about us on the radio? OH NO! Newsflash douche, fans don't really give a flying fuck if you talk about us on the radio. Oriole fans LOVE that people think our organization is still a joke. We love that you don't think we'll ever win a title again, because that means you don't know dick. You don't know that we have arguably the best young pitching in baseball. You don't know about Sugar Bear or The Cure or Nick the Dick.

And the last I checked, Tex went 0-for-4 on Opening Day and the Birds won 10-5, so, yeah, we do think we won. BECAUSE WE WON THE GAME YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

You know what? I'm done talking about this moron. I know I take sports too seriously, but saying that a group of fans is a symbol of what's wrong with America is asinine. Sports are an escape. If we want to boo Teixeira, so the fuck what? Mind your business and keep going down on the Sawx and Yanks. We like it that way.

And in 2011, when Arrieta, Matusz, Tillman, Wieters and company are taking this league by storm, don't fucking talk about us on your radio show.

I know that you only say stupid shit like that to be "shocking" Colin. Ooooh, you're the Howard Stern of sports talk radio! You rebel you. SVP is 100 times the radio host you are, and trust me, you're no Stern either.

The only reason you are relevant is because you go on stupid rants about topics like this, which you know nothing about, to get a rise out of people. Congratulations, douche.

4 comments:

  1. So what is Cowheard saying? We are suppossed to cheer Tex? He is an idiot. Of course we are going to boo a two faced liar. He lied about his love for the O's or Yanks, take your pick. Granted, he used us to get more money, but we what Cowheard thinks we should not care. Get out of here. He is just stupid!

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  2. i cant believe i used to like that ugly douchebag....why he hating on the o's? cause we have passion, cause were not rich as fuck who buys overpriced players?

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  3. He's also a West Coast guy, removing himself even further from relevance.

    Welcome to the world of a Philadelphia fan buddy.

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  4. I love the passion of this site. I agree with you about Cowherd buddy.

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